


Melting

by ValidAsshole



Series: Sex Dungeon AU [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angsty thoughts, Izuna Lives AU, M/M, some inner thoughts, then hashirama sunshine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:34:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25608976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValidAsshole/pseuds/ValidAsshole
Summary: Izuna doesn't know why he survived. Maybe someone else will.
Relationships: Senju Hashirama/Uchiha Izuna, Uchiha Izuna & Uchiha Madara
Series: Sex Dungeon AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1856182
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	Melting

It’s frustrating how often things go sideways. How easily his world view can be overturned.

He wondered still if he had made the right choice, if it was still worth it to be _alive._

He knows it worries his Aniki when he laughs off questions of if he’s alright, but it would scare him more if he knew that Izuna’s answer was _no_.

Maybe it was selfish of him, knowing how much his Aniki relied on him, how his sharingan’s memory wouldn’t let him do anything less than go mad at his death. But he regrets it sometimes, saving himself. Going blind in one eye; Alive, but no longer useful, no longer the _Shinobi_ he claimed to be. Once a Shinobi, always a Shinobi. It used to be that simple, but everything is so backwards now and the only thing keeping him alive is -

He sighs, leaning back to lay on the grass beneath him, surrounded by craters on a newly made training ground. He was alive, he could still fight. But nothing was the _same._

Aniki treated him like a princess from the stories civilians liked to pass around, and the only one these days who doesn’t make him want to crush their windpipes when they speak these days is a _Senju_. 

How Hashirama of all people had managed to get Aniki to ignore Izuna’s advice, to go directly against it and convince the clan elders to try this peace out was a mystery to him. He thinks maybe it had to do with the fear of Izuna leaving him, as if Izuna would ever sit down and let that happen.

He scoffs at the idea, but then again, those thoughts to just leave pop up now and again.

To leave the village, to die, to anything else really, but every time a crushing guilt binds around his chest and he hates himself for just the thought. So, no, Aniki, the overblown worrywart, does not need to know these thoughts, seeing as it isn’t like he’ll ever truly act on them. 

They all grew up to be a little fucked up, anyways. Aniki tended to it by paranoia of losing those close to him, less afraid for _Izuna_ and more afraid of losing someone else. Aniki was a martyr type, he practically defined the term- sacrificing everything for those around him even without being asked, and then refusing to acknowledge it, that he was just hurting himself by doing so and making everyone worry. 

Izuna rarely went to him to vent anymore, knowing how much it affected him, how it’d make him think he needed to _do something_ about it and sacrifice himself in some way to do so. Can’t tell him he’s uncomfortable with how much Aniki held on to him and worried over him, or Aniki would never lean on him again, and Izuna knew he had to be his _support_ or else everything would crumble (he will crumble). 

It doesn’t mean he can’t hate it though, the fact that Aniki doesn’t truly know him anymore, and that it is his own fault for not being able to open up anymore, that he’d taken to the mask Aniki had needed beside him far too well. 

Aniki’s loved ones dwindled until it was just Izuna left, no matter how much he tried to get him to reach out to their clan members once more, and he had gotten used to it, forgotten how much of it was pretend. 

It was a mistake.

Even if Aniki had a lot on his plate, Izuna shouldn’t have forgotten he was pretending, shouldn’t have forgotten that they were no longer close, shouldn’t have forgotten that Aniki needed more than just one person he could trust in his life.

It hurt way too much when the village was built and Aniki rekindled his friendship with Hashirama, when Hashirama became Madara’s pillar of support instead. All because he’d lost his sight, all because he’d finally shown Aniki he was not infallible, a reminder that he was human and that he was hurting too.

Aniki was trying to be there for him now, trying to reconnect when he still doesn’t quite understand that they had drifted apart. Izuna sneers up at the clouds, he wishes he would just give up and let Izuna keep playing the part of silly otouto, always smiling and wanting cuddles, serious when needed, and the opposite whenever else.

He basks in the sunlight and wishes he were doing anything else. Lets out a sigh and blocks out the glaring sun with the back of his hand. 

He opens his eyes to the night sky and doesn’t know when he’d fallen asleep. At least the stars are beautiful.

Aniki is asleep at home, not even the smallest sign of worry in his chakra. 

Ah.

He shouldn’t feel sad, he shouldn’t.

_So many years spent as an emotional punching bag by his own choice, he had no right to feel sad when Madara gave him space._

And yet, his heart beat out of pace, and he wanted to scream. 

He was not weak of mind, nor weak of heart. He could handle any instability his brother, his clan, could throw at him. 

_So why?_

“Izuna?” the voice sounds surprised. 

He sits up a bit and sees Hashirama at the edge of the clearing. 

“What are you doing out here?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” he deadpans, laying his head back. 

Hashirama lets out a boisterous laugh, but doesn’t answer either, instead opting to sit down next to him. Izuna almost huffs in annoyance. He didn’t want to be alone, but Hashirama wasn’t who he was hoping for. 

“Who are you running from?” he finally asks after the comfortable silence turns to just that side of antsy.

Hashirama pouts. 

“I wouldn’t call it running...?” he says, after all he is just laying there, “I actually was looking for you.”

Izuna gives him a look.

“And?” 

He’d guess the look on Hashirama’s face would be abashed by the sound of his voice, but Hashirama, the bastard, decided to sit on his blind side. 

“I want you to come home with me!” he finally says. 

Izuna blinks in surprise. 

“What is this? A proposition?” his voice shrill with disbelief. Hashirama must be joking, or miswording it on purpose. 

He expects Hashirama to clarify in his next sentence what he really wants, anything but the too enthusiastic yes he does hear, along with exaggerated head nods. 

Hashirama is propositioning him. Ok. What. He can’t say he _hasn’t_ thought of Hashirama like that before, but almost every shinobi with any worth has. Hell, he’d heard Madara moaning his name more than once in their youth during the night when he was supposed to be sleeping and _not_ masturbating god damn it. 

He’s tired, he thinks, and maybe Hashirama is

“Did Aniki put you up to this?” he asks, because he knows his brother would joke to him about him needing to get laid, but if he actually set Hashirama to this… he doesn’t know what he’d do.

Hashirama frowns, shimmies a bit closer, a hand on his knee as Izuna sits up fully.

“Nothing like that, no. I just…”

“You need someone to give control to, yes?”

“Why would I want something like that?” he asks, though he can’t say he _isn’t_ curious. 

“That, I can only show you,” he smiles, “I’m not very good at explaining things, not like Mito can.” 

He thinks to Madara’s calm chakra sleeping in his room. Thinks of how just this afternoon he’d been thinking of leaving the village to escape his thoughts. He’s not a damsel in distress, nor does he _need_ anyone’s help, but hadn’t he said he regretted forgetting he shouldn’t be Madara’s only pillar? Shouldn’t the same be said of himself?

Izuna was a lot of things, but he never liked to count himself a hypocrite. 

So he doesn’t say a word as he gestures for Hashirama to lead the way. 

Hashirama’s hand lands on the small of his back, and a shiver runs up Izuna’s spine as they walk away from a crater filled landscape.

Maybe he wouldn’t end up regretting this after all.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading <3


End file.
